You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
