Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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