if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
