i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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