I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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