Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
