elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
