dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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