Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no, he came in my armpit
never play flip cup with pint glasses
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
