Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
