I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
