I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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