I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
