You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
