Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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