I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
