vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
