Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
