On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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