drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
