When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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