Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
