how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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