I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
