Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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