Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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