Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
