i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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