Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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