My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
