The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
