and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
