The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
