think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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