im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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