There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
