Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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