ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
