cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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