my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
