I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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