Apparently you make a good broom.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
