rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
