I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
