is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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