You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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