I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
