Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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