I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
