Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
