A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
