The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
