Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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