Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
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STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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