Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
