So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
