i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
