BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
