I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
