those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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