On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
