everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We need to get me chipped asap
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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