I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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