I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
