I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
