You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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