dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
