At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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