i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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