i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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