Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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