i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
no. you can't hotbox the world.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
