She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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