yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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