you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
